Does the body rule the mind or the mind rule the body? I don’t know… ♫

Lena Dunham.

I can’t tell you how much I needed to have her in my life this week, and how much she has influenced it – even in the last hour and a half that I’ve sat in bed watching her interview with Caitlin Moran from 2015.

In the first week that I started the Booteatox, I went from 9.3 to just under 9 stone at 8.13 and a quarter – or something. And I was so thrilled because ‘yay, I lost weight, how wonderful!’ and Gary was all, ‘but you look the exact same?’ and I was all ‘fuck you, you can’t ruin this wonderful achievement for me, how skinny am I? lalala’…
But my attitude throughout the week towards what I was doing was changing and is still changing and I’m suddenly very unsure about what I’m doing or why. What am I dieting for? Who am I dieting for? Is it for me? Because I’m so thoroughly frustrated by how much my weight and appearance has taken over my life that after my 3lb loss last week, I went out on Friday night with Gary’s family – the first night out that I’ve had in months where I drank and ate loads and had a ball – I stood up on the scales this morning only to find that I’m back up at 9.3 again. And I don’t even care.

My best friend tagged me in a post on Facebook last week that pretty much slated Slimming World and how it works. She tagged me in it because she agrees with the fact that its rules are bizarre and while she also used to follow Slimming World, she has since stopped and now eats healthy without feeling guilty about what good foods she puts in her body. For those of you who know what SW is about, I’m sure you can at least agree that its methods are somewhat questionable. ‘I have to syn my mashed up banana but I can have as much diet coke, rice, potato and pasta as I want?’ Okayy…
Basically, Slimming World is fundamentally about weight-loss. It doesn’t matter if coconut oil is healthy for you, the fats in it are still fat and that’s not okay. It doesn’t matter if drinking sweetened diet drinks are really fucking bad for you, because there’s nothing fattening about them, so have at it. Thinking of joining the gym? Bad idea. Weight gain is your enemy, even if the activity is bloody good for you and will actually make you feel and look great in the long run! How did you lose that 2lb this week, Sharon? Oh, you stuck your fingers down your throat and got back up that packet of biscuits you scoffed? Well, a loss is a loss – keep up the good work!
Am I making a point here? Because I feel like I am.

I’m really glad that post was sent to me because I think it put the nail in the coffin for me and SW. I think we have finally reached the end of our difficult relationship. I’m grateful 18378970_10155074238907881_1068091638_othat it helped me lose the weight, I am. And yes, it does work, there’s no denying it. But as for maintaining your weight-loss once you get to where you want to be? Well, it’s not for me. I’m done feeling guilty about being a pound or two up here
and there, and feeling ecstatic when I see it disappear again. Your body is going to change. You have to live your life and preferably, you should do that guilt-free. There are other ways – healthier ways – that you can look after yourself. In the end, my 3lb loss was done by eating healthy, but I didn’t follow SW at all. I just looked after myself. And when I ate salads, I didn’t count the syns in the coleslaw. And instead of those fizzy drinks, I just drank water. Simple.

As for my 3lb weigh GAIN this weekend? It’s mostly bloat, I know it is and I’m not worried. I enjoyed myself.  I enjoyed the night, the company, the drinks and the food. I hope when I look back on it, I don’t remember crying the next day because of what the fucking scales say. I didn’t cry. I shrugged it off. That’s the real fucking victory for me. In the year and a half since I first joined SW, I don’t think I ever shrugged off a weight gain. This 3lb gain doesn’t define me. Neither would a 10lb or 20lb gain.
lena

AS FOR LENA DUNHAM

Please. All she taught me to do this morning was bloody embrace myself. I literally spent the hour and a half watching the interview and nodding like an idiot in agreement with everything she had to say about everything she had to say! The woman is a God. My body confidence is out today and I have her to thank for it.

 

In all in anyways… Being overweight is not healthy, but ‘fad dieting’ and obsessing over your weight isn’t healthy either. My body is a fantastic tool that can do so many things. I’m so happy to have one in such good working order. It has ten toes and ten fingers, it can see colour and hear music and it can run and dance and bend and stretch! And while I’d like to look after it, I’d also like to look after my mind. How my mind sees my body is so important. How I see myself is so important. Body dysmorphia is a thing and it’s bloody scary. But body and mind going hand in hand sounds pretty good to me. Rant over!

 

 

Something’s brewing!18083534_10155036064017881_339204401_o

Well, in my last post I put it out there – that I was experiencing a ‘rut’ in life and had no prospects. But over the weekend, several conversations have led to something rather wonderful and I think I might finally be onto something!

Firstly, I am not totally useless and I’m actually much more confident than I give myself credit for. Secondly, I’ve decided to get over myself and start getting active! There’s no point constantly feeling down, sluggish, tired and sick the whole time, and doing nothing about it to feel better! Mental & physical changes to be had for sure! More on that later. And lastly, I’ve started looking into primary school teaching. It’s early days, and it means I’ll have to repeat the Irish Leaving Cert Higher Level paper in order to continue on in college and get the qualification, but I’m really excited about this one! I actually can’t think of anything else!
Even though I’m thrilled to have something work towards again, I’m also hesitant about sharing too much information about it. I don’t want to tell my whole family that ‘this is something I definitely want and I’m definitely going to do’, because so was studying Italian, studying in Galway, becoming a secondary school teacher and being a ballerina (I’m joking, I took one ballet class when I was six and thought I was the fucking star of Swan Lake!) They’ll very soon give up on supporting me if I keep crying wolf about what I ‘definitely’ want, so there’s no ‘definitely’ to this one. The word doesn’t exist. I’m just throwing ideas out there and looking into them, and we’ll leave it there for now. (But –

18120460_10155035825642881_1928939745_o
Sure I only love me bleedin’ slippers, like!

ohgollyjeeIwantthissobad!)

Myself & Gary took a trip into the city today (Hurrah! Another victory from my last post about getting out and about on my days off work!) Our days off never coincide so we figured we’d make the most of it. It was a rather successful day out, if I do say so myself! My purchases were spot on and include a ‘buy one, get another for 1cent’ deal in Holland and Barrett, so I came out with two months’ worth of Booteatox, and our trip to the Silly Shop landed me with a pair of RIDICULOUSLY FRICKIN’ COOL unicorn slippers!! AND we had a fantastic lunch in Temple Bar for a tenner, ffs! – how did that happen?
It felt so good to get out and do something different, even though the weather was a bit chilly and I wore the wrong shoes for six hours walking, but how and ever! It’s the little things!

In regards to the teatox, there’s a few things to be noted here. After I hit target in June of last year with Slimming World, I decided to stop going to the weekly group weigh-ins and carry on from home. I managed to maintain my weight, maybe going up a couple of pounds and down a few more again, but all within target range. I didn’t follow the plan, so to speak, but had discovered a balance that seemed to work for me quite well. My target was 9 stone and my lowest weight was 8.11. I was really happy at 8.11 but by the time I got there, holidays to Lanzarote rolled round and when I came back I was up to 9.3. Fast forward two months later and I’ve done nothing to get back down to where I was happy, and I still weigh 9.3. I’ve been feeling so down lately, not so much to do with the number on the scale, but the fact that I literally go to work, come home, eat what I want, watch TV and go to sleep. I go into work feeling so tired and useless, and I stress so much about whether or not I’m getting enough sleep, which I absolutely am. But I’ve had no life in between and I’ve had enough of feeling sorry for myself. I’m 23, not 87! I’m too young to feel so old!!
18120154_10155036063977881_157611302_oI’ve taken the 14 day detox of Bootea a couple of times in the last year or so, and really liked it, but I wasn’t eating as well I should have been or exercising while I was drinking it, so I missed the point. As well as that, the laxative effect in the senna leaves takes an awful toll on the body! This time, I’ve opted for the 28 day teatox with no laxatives, and I have every intention of doing well by myself to eat right and exercise. I’m not saying I’m going to have a perfect 4 week record of no cheat days or treats, but I’m cutting out a lot of the shit that I’ve allowed myself to indulge in over the last few months. I also think I may have an intolerance to some food type, so I’m going to try cutting out starchy foods for a while and see if it makes a difference. I’m not prepared to even consider cutting out dairy as chocolate keeps me alive and sane, tell the truth.
It’s more than possible to do all of this without the teatox, and there are plenty of other teas out there that set out to do the same thing – at a much cheaper price! – but I like Bootea so I’m going to stick with it. Anyway, I think it will give me that extra kick and motivation to get active. There’s a 5k run coming up in July for the charity organisation that I’m involved with, and I’d love to be able to do it without struggling to breathe after 5 minutes! If only I had deadly unicorn runners now too…
(The charity is SOSAD (Save our Sons and Daughters) and aims to raise awareness of suicide in Ireland and help those affected by it. If you find yourself intrigued by this, visit their page on http://www.sosadireland.ie to learn more about them and what services they provide!)

SO. My POA for the week consists of getting active. I’m going to make a few calls and look up more info on primary school teaching to see how I can get started there. I’m going to prepare all my meals instead of buying shit out of shops for lunch or dinner, and they’ll all be SW friendly. And I’m going to get a few walks around the town in there too. My job involves a LOT of cardio, let me tell ya, so I know I’m not a couch potato even if I don’t get out walking, but I want to give myself the extra push with the 5k in mind! I’ve also decided to really challenge myself by putting the scales away, weighing once tomorrow for a starting point and not again for another week or two. I’m so obsessed with standing up on them 4 or 5 times a day that a lot of my bad attitude towards myself is my own fault!
So, a stress free, go with the flow, positive attitude and no ‘definitely’ in there anywhere kind of week! Fingers crossed…

 

 

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine

 

Undecided. 

 

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That’s me!

Ever since I became full-time in my day-to-day retail job, my life has become pretty repetitive my life has become pretty repetitive my life has become pretty repetitive.

You get the idea.

I don’t want to complain too much – the money is good and I get to come home every evening to my handsome bloke, but I don’t have any hobbies anymore. I don’t go anywhere or do anything or see things. I always talk about where I’d like to travel to, what I’d like to see, even just a day trip into the city… but on my days off, I mostly spend them at a loss, which I suppose is a reflection of myself at the moment.

I’m not saying that I had a booming social life when I was in college, but I think I spent more time doing things that interested me – reading, writing, music, spending time with friends and family. And while I understand that life moves quickly and friends and family don’t always have time for each other, I think it’s important to always touch base with yourself at the end of the day, to know where you’re at with yourself and who you are. I don’t think I know any of that. I certainly don’t feel it. So, in retaliation to my recent ‘rut’ in life, I’ve set this blog up to figure it out!

My name is Kristina. I’m 23, very Irish and a recent graduate of NUI Maynooth holding a BA in English and History. If I could describe myself in three words, I would use impatient and stubborn, but also compassionate. I work in retail earning just enough to get by but not enough to be out of my family home just yet… While I loveeee dogs, I have no pets of my own as myself & mum are fairly allergic to animal hair! I have, however, been yammering on for ages about setting myself up with a pair of goldfish and naming them Grindlewald and Dumbledore and seeing how they get on together… (Harry Potter fanatic!)

GD
That’s me bloke! 

Gary is the biggest and best part of me and who I am, and I’m okay with that. 
I’m an on/off Slimming World member having lost 1.5 stone in 2016 going from a slightly overweight size of 10-12 to a relatively comfortable size 8, and trying to maintain a healthy balance between the good stuff and the really good stuff – if you get my drift! *chocoholic*… I’ll probably talk about Slimming World and weight-loss a good bit in this blog, as I feel like my mentality towards myself, people and appearance has undergone an imbalance in the last year because of it, both positively and negatively. I could also probably dedicate this blog to mental health, but there are enough mental health blogs out there that cover anything I could have to say about it, so I’ll leave it to the experts and clue you in personally when necessary.
I love to read – love it love it love it! I haven’t had much of a chance lately, only reading here and there, but I’m the type of person who doesn’t read a book over time, but rather devours it in a sitting or two. Book recommendations are always welcome here! As well as reading, writing has – or had – always been a favourite past time of mine, but in truth, this is the first time in a long time that I’ve sat down with anything to say and I’m not even really saying anything at all! I’m not sure, but I think my imagination either fell out of my brain to make space for stress during college, or it’s frozen in there like a bad link. Either way, it’s been non-responsive for the last three or four years, and I’d love to get its motor up and going again!

I reckon I’ll jam-pack this blog with a load of shite, to be totally honest. But relevant shite, you know? The kind of shite that everyone relates to and might be thinking without really knowing it. That’s the kind of shite I feel like I relate to – the yammering ons of a twenty-something still trying to figure things out. After all, who – even after their twenties – really has it all together? I don’t think you’re supposed to have it all together, not really. And I think that’s alright. But sure, we’ll get that to that!

 

For now, find me on Instagram by following @kayreno.

Much love. Slán go fóill! x